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I hope that understanding the origins of my suffering will free me from its grasp.
It’s not so much what causes my depression that troubles me as how isolated it makes me feel and how hopeless the world becomes under its influence.
However after knowing that approximately about 20% of women and 12% of men worldwide suffer from depression1, which is higher than prevalence of other common disease such as diabetes where worldwide prevalence is about 2.8% in year 20002, it changes my perspectives on depression.
Interestingly even though depression is very common I rarely encounter any patient who was diagnosed with depression during my medical and surgical attachment.
I have a sturdy scaffold of support: a wise and enlightened husband, helpful in-laws, smart doctors and money to pay for the help I so badly need.
I think, in a way, that is one of the aspects of depression that hurts the most. I recall how, during a major depressive episode I suffered my freshman year of college, a psychiatrist advised me to grab hold of my rational side. It was like one of those nightmares in which a monster is chasing you, but you can’t make your legs move — a paradoxical combination of paralysis and panic — a death spiral in slow motion.
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Depression is the commonest mental illness in the world yet only a few can tell you what exactly it is.
I feel like the light at the end of the tunnel is a solitary candle about to blow out at any moment.
At the same time, I feel like the pain will never end.